Thursday, July 27, 2006

Mail Call: "The Old Swimmin' Hole"

Most of the time this blog is filled with my own attempts to be humorous, but evey now and then I get a joke sent to me that's worth sharing. Here's one...

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Want more? Try these:
The Hangover Cure (Priceless Joke)
Stevie D.'s Kitty Kitty Rant
Vote for the Whole Package (Photo)

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Laziest Loser

So I’ve been losing weight – about 30 pounds actually – and people have been congratulating me, which is nice.

I started to feel pretty proud of my big accomplishment, but then I realized all I’ve really done is stopped eating as much. So basically, what I did was find another area of my life to be lazy.

I mean, if I walked around the same block 3,000 times and lost weight that’s an impressive effort. Insane, but impressive. Kind of funny that most of us will do anything we can to not get off the couch, but we still “dig deep” and find the energy when it comes to lifting food to our mouths. Maybe if we made REALLY heavy plates people would start to pick it up and go “eh, never mind, it’s not worth it….Wonder what’s on Survivor?”

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Between a Block and a Soft Place

Well, this isn’t much of a choice: I was watching TV the other day when an ad for a prescription drug came on. Among the possible side-effects were “bad diarrhea, or … diarrhea together with … fainting, or dizziness.” [Emphasis added]

Now, I know everyone makes fun of these side-effects (like the anti-depression drugs that may “cause sexual dysfunction” – there’s a pick-me-up), but I mean is there really a difference between bad diarrhea and diarrhea where you pass out...or fall down?

How would that work in conversation?

Ted: “Bob, heard about your diarrhea. Was it bad diarrhea?”
Bob: “No, it wasn’t bad, I just passed out and fell off the bowl…”


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