Friday, January 19, 2007

Life with a Wedge of Lime

So, I took one of those cheesy "you are" tests, and it came back that if I was a beer, I'd be a Corona. Now, the idea that my personality matches a Corona, is all cool with know, in a calypso beach party kinda way.

So I was pretty content with the analysis...until I read the damn thing:

You Are Corona

You don't drink for the love of beer. You drink to get drunk.

You prefer a very light, very smooth beer. A beer that's hardly a beer at all.

And while you make not like the taste of beer, you like the feeling of being drunk.

You drink early and often. Sometimes with friends. Sometimes alone. All the party needs is you!

What's this guy got against Corona? I mean, it's not opague and spicy and yes, there is something to be said about any beverage that you have to add something to. But just because you put hot fudge on Breyer's doesn't mean it's not good ice cream.

Granted, no one adds anything to a Guiness, but what the hell would you add...bacon? (Yes, I now realize that one of you will add bacon to your next bottle of Guiness -- just do me two favors: cook it [the bacon] first and let me know how it turns out.)

"Hardly a beer at all?" Damn, that's harsh. I mean, the guy that wrote this is not getting VIP treatment at a Buffet concert anytime soon.

And who the hell drinks Corona alone? First off, one of the best parts about drinking is that it makes other people more interesting. And if you're gonna drink alone, you probably want it to move a little quicker than Corona speed.

Anyway, I gotta go. My bottle's empty, I'm out of lime and there's no one here to get me another beer.

Besides, I've got to get up early and start drinking. You know, it's always a party...

Monday, January 15, 2007

Für Jim

One of my regular readers (aw hell, one of my only readers) is spending some time in the Fatherland, so I thought I'd send out a little video reminder showing the importance of understanding the local language.

Other Funny Posts: Spam Bit - In-box 'Priceless' Husband Joke - Kitty Ribbon Rant

Something Phunni ...and Something from France

Wanted to send out a couple thank you's...

The first goes to Fruvous from the great site for noticing on their site. Phunni is a social bookmarking tool for, well, funny stuff. No posts on how to hack your water heater, no debates on the secret plan to control us through nanorobots in the water supply, just funny stuff. Check it out and, please, feel free to post something funny from here on there.

Second, thanks to someone over at, a French beer-making site for noticing the blog. Usually, you want to avoid links from sites with "ass" and "amateur" in the URL, but a link from a group of beer lovers is always welcome.


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Jerry is Gone, but Chevy Keeps Goin'

A few days ago, I mentioned that President Ford should be remembered for many things...including giving Chevy Chase some great material.

Of course, Chevy has delivered a lot of other funny stuff -- who didn't grow up with the Vacation movies? He apparently even has an international following, as seen in the cola ad from Google Video below. Maybe he's the Turkish Jerry Lewis (I'm trademarking that...I doubt anyone has every put those three words together ever).

Anywoo, enjoy:

Other Funny Posts: Spam Bit - In-box 'Priceless' Husband Joke - Kitty Ribbon Rant

Monday, January 08, 2007

Of Oil, Gas and Grass - News in Review

In a top story today, a strange gas odor filled New York City. The stench was so bad the squirrels in Central Park were seen covering their noses with their nuts. (I hope Letterman doesn't have a patent on the whole squirrel/nuts genre.) Anyway...

Some top scientists now think we that we may have found life on Mars thirty years ago...and accidently destroyed it with the testing process. Apparently it was part of a "No Microbe Left Behind" program.

In other science news, there is new hope for using stem cells found in amniotic fluid. It seems there's been some confusion over this at the White House...most of it on how to pronounce "amniotic."

Meanwhile, in Oslo, Norway, a prisoner escaped from his jail cell by rubbing vegetable oil on his naked body and the slipping through the steel bars. He will be performing this act again Friday at the Backslide Cafe in Dupont Circle, DC.

This guy from Norway could probably help a Nassau County correction officer who was caught trying to sneak in marijauna, stuffed inside some Cannoli. Apparently he misunderstood that the easiest was to sneak drugs into prison was stuffed inside a patsy.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Another Satisfied Reader

I know this guy seems to be concentrating on his interview, but I'm pretty sure he was thinking about my blog:

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Happy (Belated) New Year

Well, 2006 is over, and for many it went out on a down note. I know some of you are bummed out because you had President Ford and/or James Brown in your 2007 Death Pool, but should've known they were both part of the conspiracy to screw you over.

Actually, I'm gonna miss them both.

Ford brought some calm to the country when it was sorely needed...and I've forgiven him for giving Chevy Chase* so much airtime on SNL.

As for James Brown well, there was some great music, some great performances, and a classic arrest photo. I do have to point out the irony that he died in the same week that a report was released showing a decrease in domestic violence. You gotta admit, James had timing.

Of course, Saddam Hussein rounded out the celebrity(?) deaths at the end of 2006. I'm just as glad to see him gone as the next guy, but you gotta wonder if it would've been more humiliating to just keep him coming to trial for the next twenty years or so. I mean, evertime he barked something out in that courtroom it did more damage to his legacy than being found guilty did.

They could've just kept bringing him in to spout off in front a rotating cast of characters.You could have b-list celebrities take turns playing the judge -- I can see Kathy Griffin in drag and a black robe now. Somedays he'd refuse to stop talking, sometimes he wouldn't say anything, sometimes he threaten'd be "must see" television.

...And you could get sponsors. Finally there's be something in Iraq that would bring in a little revenue (that is, besides revenue for Haliburton).

What I don't get is all the hysteria about the cell phone video of his hanging. I mean, if you've decided to hang someone, it's not the time to get squeemish about someone posting it to their blog. And I think any pretense of giving the prisoner dignity went out the window with the that tighty-whities photo.

In fact, if Elvis and JFK taught us anything, it should be that famous people need to die in front of cameras -- and a lot of them -- if you really want people to believe they're dead. I mean, if someone had a cell phone video when Paul McCartney died we could finally put to rest all those "Paul is Alive" conspiracies...

*Update 1/10/2007: To be fair, Chevy has brought us some great comedy over the years. Apparently it's gotten him an international following, as seen in the Cola As I've posted here.

Other Funny Posts: Spam Bit - In-box 'Priceless' Husband Joke - Kitty Ribbon Rant

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