Not to channel the spirit of Andy Rooney, but...
Did you ever notice that you can change just about any compliment into an insult by placing the phrase "From a distance" in front of it.
Here are some to get you started:
"You look really attractive."
"You look like you've aged well."
"You can't even see that stain."
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Not to channel the spirit of Andy Rooney, but...
Friday, March 21, 2008
Well, not every detail. But if you use twitter and want to follow my constant (well, occassional) rambles, you can follow me:
Imagine hearing every insightful thought that comes into my odd, twisted mind...
....at least the ones that come into my mind when I'm near an internet connection
...and not too lazy to type.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Nothing like a well-written, funny, slightly disturbing video parody to get the week rolling.
More stuff to come, so stop back soon. Unfortunately, most of it will probably be original.
Friday, March 14, 2008
I noticed something recently: most of the folks with a "God is my Co-pilot" bumper sticker on their car should probably just let Him drive.
Also, have you noticed that the guys with the "Terrorist Hunting Permit" stickers don't seem to be throwing a very wide net? I mean, if a terrorist shows up at the farmer's market or the Super Walmart, he's a dead man - but otherwise I don't think these guys are gonna pull their limit.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Just when you thought you knew it all. Here are more faux facts to keep your friends at the knitting club enthralled:
- On an average year, 340 foreigners leave American grocery stores horrified after misunderstanding what "baby food" is.
- It's predicted that the "No Child Left Behind" Act will eventually guarantee that everyone is smarter than a fifth grader.
- Due to improvements in toothpaste, it now takes 20 dental cleanings to create 1 ounce of tartar sauce.
- In order to keep Fairy Tales current, the "goose that lays the golden egg" has been replaced by the "antelope that pees 87 octane."
- Tragically, 15% of parents that buy a "World's Best Daughter" t-shirt have more than one daughter.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Want a hi-res PDF? Leave a comment with just your e-mail address on this post (see below).
For more political nonsense, click the "p2008" label below.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Nothing like parody to bring down the infamous. Overall the video is choppy -- and the production values are wonderfully crappy - but there are some priceless moments - be sure to listen for "the final solution" hair product:
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Gary Gygax, co-creator of the role playing game Dungeons & Dragons, died yesterday. He was mortally wounded when unable to parry a two-handed sword attack, which did 18 hit points of damage.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Here's a new one: What do you call over 2 million people with an interest in homosexuality?
According to the stats over at Conservapedia.com, it looks like you'd call them Conservatives. I saw a screen shot showing older stat results over at About.com, but had to go and take a look for myself - here's what I found:
Sure enough, what conservatives appear to want to learn about isn't being conservative...
...it's about being gay.
Now, it's not for me to say that if you're homosexual that you can't be conservative (or vice versa) - heck, there are poor conservatives and that really doesn't make sense.
Maybe you like the pinstripe shirts and power ties....
Maybe you're interest in the death penalty and cheap oil tops your interest in gay rights...
...or maybe you figure that if Republicans are hooking up in the men's room and sending juicy e-mail to male interns then they really aren't that far off base.
Either way, it's a free country (well, sort of).
But seriously, can't we all agree that conservatives are probably not the best source of information on homosexuality?
I mean, you don't go look to Democrats for advice on winning elections or delivering on a mandate, so why look to conservatives for information on homosexuality (#1)...
...or homosexuality and health (#10)
...or homosexuality and anal cancer (#9)?
Is this what conservatives are really concerned about? That would explain a lot.
I mean, if I thought my anal cancer might be a result of my lifestyle choice than I probably wouldn't care about the economy either...or about the war...or about the greenhouse effect. (Heck, another few degrees warmer in DC and the pages will have to wear shorts - maybe there is an agenda here.)
The only other conclusion I can come to is that there are 2 million plus teenagers out there with (1) a sudden "curiosity" and (2) a mom (with a screen name like "NeoConMom67") that prevented the family PC from going to any non-conservative site. So they're left with Bill O'Reilly to explain to them what a "threesome" is, Rush Limbaugh to teach them about how to "doctor-shop," and, of course, Conservapedia.com to teach them about alternative lifestyles.
Now, not all the hot searches were about homosexuality. There were also searches on Conservapedia about Wikipedia. I didn't look, but I'd bet Conservapedia describes the later as a "an evil response to Conservapedia created by communist professors, the liberal media, and, of course, Wiccans.*"
*Actually, I did look. They don't claim that it has anything to do with Wiccans, and they don't disagree that Wikipedia came first. As for the evil leftist design at Wikipedia, I was pretty much dead on.