Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Duck, Duck, Doberman

So, if a bunch of grapes can kill dogs, but it takes an Airbus 320 to kill Canadian geese...

...why don't we use guard geese?

(I guess it's because they can't get a green card.)

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Leave a Message - seriously, put it down and step back

I love getting voice message. Seriously, I love me some voice mail. Combined with caller ID it's the greatest invention of the 20th Century.

Ok, well maybe not the greatest, but it's up there...somewhere below the polio vaccine and above reality TV.

Like I said, I love getting messages...

...except this one:

"Hi Steve, it's Jim*, call me back - I need to tell you something."
No. No you don't need to tell me something. If you had a need to tell me something, then you (write this part down)

That's what voice mail is for. It doesn't say "wait for the tone and ramble" it says "wait for the tone and LEAVE A MESSAGE."

What Jim has in this case is not a need to tell me something. Instead he has a clear, somewhat creepy, need to be spoken too; to have someone respond to his plea for attention. What the message really says is:
"Hi Steve, it's Jim. No one is on facebook and I'm starting to doubt my worth in the world. Please call me back and reaffirm my belief that someone out there stil -"
Oops, sorry about that, force of habit.

Now I know sometimes what you mean is "we need to discuss [this project/the test results/your background check]," but at least give me a heads up - let's move the bar a little folks.

Of course, sometimes I get the really idiotic "non-message." For instance, this gem:

"Hi Steve, this is George** from Faulk & Leavem Printing. I've got the quote you wanted for the 2000 copies of your 'How to Leave a Message' brochure.... me back."


* For what it's worth, Jim usually leaves very informative - slightly slurred - messages; often with graphic detail.

** This is a celebrity impersonation - George Hamilton did not appear in this rant.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Sorry (7 points)

Hey, sorry I've been a little aloof for the beginning on 2009. Rough hangover.

No seriously, I've been spending more time...way too much time...over at facebook playing Scramble. Have you tried this? It's like Boggle, just a little more pathetic because you can do it with absolutely no human interaction at all.

If you have tried Scramble, you should try the new Ann Coulter version. It's harder because words like "FEMINIST," "LIBERAL" and "DEMOCRATS" only count as 4 letter words.

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