Hey there! Sorry I've been gone a while. After my last post, I accidentally locked myself out of my house, so I just went on over to the police station and turned myself in...seemed like the safe thing to do.
- Suggest your local veterans groups also sing the National Anthem "in French, so everyone feels included."
- Ask your Democratic friends for help with the leak in your boat, add "after all, you people are the experts."
- Suggest your GOP friends aren't really Americans...demand to see a birth certificate with a raised seal.
- Ask your local Kung Fu school if they offer any classes on ancient auto erotic asphyxiation secrets.
- Ask your wife if it's okay if you do a little "hiking on the Appalachian Trail" (and/or explain to her that she's not your soulmate, but that you'll *try* to fall back in love with her).