Mail Call: Dealing with a Difficult Child

Haven't forwarded anything from my e-mail in a while, but this one made the cut. Again, I didn't write it, but I thought it was worth sharing:

Most of the American population thinks it improper to spank children, so I have
tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car
ride and talk. Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the
time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car
ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I've included a photo
below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the
technique.

Scroll down...

This works with grandchildren,
nieces, and nephews as well

To Digg it, click here. For more comedy about the thrills of raising children, click here (or on the kids tag below)

Did you write it? Know who did? Send along a comment with the info and I'll give credit where it's due...

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funny observational+humor humor lazycomic

Parenting Tip

It's a good idea to give your kids puppets at an early age...that way they learn that it's fun to poke animals in the face.

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funny observational+humor humor lazycomic

Quick Note to Parents

Now, I don't want to sound like some New Zealand Judge, but...

...if you want your daughter to have credibility when she grows up,

you shouldn't name her Pigeon.

But then again, for your son, you may want to avoid John as well.

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funny politics observational+humor humor lazycomic

Bet You Didn't Know #4 - Quattro Crappo

We're Baaack...

Just when you thought you knew it all. Here are more faux facts to keep your friends at the knitting club enthralled:

• On an average year, 340 foreigners leave American grocery stores horrified after misunderstanding what "baby food" is.
• It's predicted that the "No Child Left Behind" Act will eventually guarantee that everyone is smarter than a fifth grader.
• Due to improvements in toothpaste, it now takes 20 dental cleanings to create 1 ounce of tartar sauce.
• In order to keep Fairy Tales current, the "goose that lays the golden egg" has been replaced by the "antelope that pees 87 octane."

and finally (well, for now)...

• Tragically, 15% of parents that buy a "World's Best Daughter" t-shirt have more than one daughter.

Keep up, damnit! Read the whole "Bet You Didn't Know" Series.

Tags:
funny observational+humor humor lazycomic

Tags:
funny observational+humor humor lazycomic

The Power of the Spoken Word

I hope I don't get sued.

The other day I heard an ad for a "program" you can pay for that teaches you the right vocabulary to use with your unruly children. From disobedience to ADD, you'll learn what to say to your child to end their disruptive behavior immediately.

I wondered what these magic words were...and then it came to me. I don't want to give away their trade secret, but I bet it goes something like this:

After your teen finishes breakfast, just as they run out the door, give them this note:

"Dear Son/Daughter - I put a poison in your breakfast. I'll give you the anecdote tonight...
...if you behave."

Priceless Pokemon

My wife kicked this one my way, which is good because I've been a little lacking in the funny recently (my bad, I'll get back to it soon...I swear).

Anyway, the piece is actually an eBay item. Nope, not the one where the guy's naked reflection is in the tea pot.

It's even better...

Pokemon Cards at the Store...$3.00
Pokemon Cards sold on eBay...$142.51
Reading about the trip to get the Pokemon Cards? That's Priceless

Click here to see the infamous pack of Pokemon Cards that are probably worthless, and the story behind them that is worth every penny.

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pokemon ebay funny rant mom shopping humor lazycomic

Sh-t my PJ's One More Time

Don't you think just the fact that this kid has been immortalized for singing Britney Spears in his PJ's is traumatic enough?

Does he also need to have the crap scared out of him by his Mom?

Suri-real

Someone else beat me to the punch. Check out the photos at http://lunachicago.blogspot.com/ and decide which one you think is real. All I have to say is, does that kid look like he has a dye job or what?

The Floor Drain

One thing I've noticed about having kids:

There's a period of time while they're growing up when your house is basically coated in pee.

Washing your hands is like waving to Stevie Wonder -- there's nothing wrong with it, but it's really not productive.

From the time kids are potty trained until they come to understand the importance of personal hygience (from around age 2 to 8 for girls, age 3 to 25 for boys), kids use the bathroom with the same rules as horseshoes -- close is good enough. Water is optional, soap is a hassle and towels are unnecessary...or can be used in place of water.

My advice: clear out your powder room and put in one big floor drain, one big shower head and one big bottle of Purell.

(P.S. Even though the President didn't wave, the jokes are still funny...)

For general mistreatment of the news, click here.
For the latest post, click here.

kids humor drain funny lazycomic