Well, I got to spend a little time at the airport recently, and I think my favorite part is baggage claim. I know, you thought I was gonna say bathroom stall, but nope - it's the baggage claim.
After you've taken your shoes off and put your travel-size minoxidil in a little baggie, if you still think that flying makes you part of the elite, the "jet set," etc. - well the baggage claim should shatter that myth.
Going into the airport your luggage is treated like a rare artifact from a lost civilization. Everyone wears gloves, it's constantly monitored, it's x-rayed, recorded and identified with a high-tech bar coded insignia...
...coming out, it's treated like garbage. And there we are, like a bunch of rabid dogs, begging, waiting, positioning ourselves to make sure we get our underwear and stolen hotel towels back safely.
But that's when the real fun begins. I don't know whether it's the 4 hours of recirculated air, the copious tiny bottles of airplane booze or the jet lag, but something activates the idiot gene before we get to baggage claim. People eye every bag that looks remotely like theirs because, you know, that broken handle might have regrown on your bag during flight. Maybe your green bag really does look pink in this light. Maybe you did put a PowderPuff Girls patch on your suitcase and just don't remember it.
I saw one woman actually pull a bag over, open one of the compartments and poke inside to make sure it was hers -- and it wasn't.
What does she do if she can't find her date at the movies? ("Wow, that is huge...I must be in the wrong row.")
Oh, and there's this little gem: One of the carousels I frequented recently had a monitor on top where they announce when the precious cargo from your flight has been dragged out of the puddles on the tarmac and thrown onto the baggage conveyor.
At the bottom it said that after the display states that all luggage has been put out for your flight, please wait ten minutes.
Um, why? I mean, if the airline isn't sure that all the luggage has been put out, well, here's an idea: how about they wait ten minutes before changing the sign?
I doubt they change the display to say that the plane has landed while it's still circling the runway. There's no need to estimate when they think all the luggage is on the carousel - go ahead and give it a minute and be sure. I mean, the people waiting at the carousel don't even know what time it is, they just paid $6 for a coffee, and they think their golf clubs might be in that large purse - how the hell are they supposed to know when 10 minutes is up?
Anyway, I gotta go before that lady breaks my windshield just to see if it's her car.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Extra Baggage
Labels:
airflight,
original bit,
rant
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Two feet apart...
This just in: Rumor has it Larry Craig was just opposed to Gay marriage because it would cut down on the number of "washroom hotties."
Of course, Craig has defended himself, explaining that he has a wide stance when in the bathroom. Ironic, seeing he has such a narrow stance on so many topics.
Labels:
airflight,
commentary,
politics
Exclusive Bathroom Video - Judge for Yourself
Yep, we even beat Drudge to it -- exclusive video from the Minnesota Airport Bathroom. See what really happened and judge for yourself.
Funny, it's my 100th post and somehow I'm still talking about crap.
Update: Hat's off (or should it be pants?) to Keith Olbermann for putting together this video of the "lewd in-the-lou interlou:"
Labels:
airflight,
family guy,
p2008,
politics,
video
Friday, August 24, 2007
Priceless Pokemon
My wife kicked this one my way, which is good because I've been a little lacking in the funny recently (my bad, I'll get back to it soon...I swear).
Anyway, the piece is actually an eBay item. Nope, not the one where the guy's naked reflection is in the tea pot.
It's even better...
Pokemon Cards at the Store...$3.00
Pokemon Cards sold on eBay...$142.51
Reading about the trip to get the Pokemon Cards? That's Priceless
Click here to see the infamous pack of Pokemon Cards that are probably worthless, and the story behind them that is worth every penny.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Six Seconds of Comedy
No, that's not my college nickname (at least it's not what they said to my face...).
I was looking for something else to add to my "blonde vs. brunette" collection (which seems to bring in a lot of hits....hmmm), and I found this beauty.
You can take it either way -- either...
(1) you shouldn't trust an amateur blonde* gym coach
or
(2) brunettes can be just as gullible as blondes.
*Yeah, I know "amateur blonde" will probably bring in some hits as well. Go figure
Labels:
blonde v brunette,
fail,
video
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