Saturday, October 30, 2010

Teabagging the T-Party

How the Coons/O'Donnell debate should've gone...

(And yes, I know there are some smart people in the Tea Party. They're not smart enough to pick a better name ...and they could "thin the herd" a bit... but I'm sure they're smart nonetheless.)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Porcelain God

I'm worried...and not just that I'll lose the hair on my head and have to use my ear hair for a comb over.

I'm worred that modern bathrooms are undermining Christian beliefs...

...and not just on the morning after the office Christmas party.

I know what you're thinking: "Steve I feel same way...explain to my non-believing friends." Well call 'em over the computer, because here's how it goes:

Back there in the first part of the bible, before all the begats, there's a rule (I know, there are lots of rules, but this is one of the big ones they put on the bulletin board at Sunday School).

The rules is about not praying to idols...I think it's one of the important ones. And, with the exception of the neo-cons that prostate themselves to Anne Coulter's latest book every night*, it's pretty much stuck with us...

...until now.

Now, whenever you use a "modern"public bathroom you don't have to touch anything. Correction, you should still touch somethings -- seriously people a little coordination and aim would really help here -- but I digress...

To be more accurate, you can't touch anything -- at least not to turn it on. Want soap? Better start trying to air stroke the movement detector just right or you'll be there all day, covered in filth. Want water? Again with the clasping and waving.

At the end of it all, you end of with your hands clasps together, waving them and begging for cleanliness from the red, all-seeing eyes. If it's been a long day you actually beg out loud.

Then you end up doing a similar act of contrition to the paper towel gods to get the 4" of rough dry manna they give you to dry your hands with. (Or you get to use one of the new, improved air blowers, which can now blow the skin from your fingers back to your wrists but somehow -- through demonic magic, I'm sure -- still manage not get them dry).

Now that you've been warned, I hope you'll turn away from sin and join those of us that see this evil trickery for what it is. Come join us...

...just don't shake our hands.
*This claim that Anne Coulter fans are actually idol-worshipers is stated as fact even though there is no proof to back it up -- which seems very appropriate.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Right on Target...

I wish this was an amusing, original post about the backlash against the Minnesota-based retailer, but it's not (you're welcome). Instead, it's a post about another backlash...

...and another, um, target.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Empty Space

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. A couple months ago I went to MySpace to check in on my old site and, well, I tripped and fell. I laid there for days and no one came by to help -- it was awful.

Finally I thought I heard someone else log in, but it was just some a-hole promoting a garage band. He just uploaded a horrible video and left -- imagine laying there for two weeks listening to some spoiled kids from the burbs talk about how horrible it is to be rich and bored.I tried posting to for help, but let's face it, unless it's a photo of a nude celebrity or a wild conspiracy theory, no one reads anything there. I got smarter when I posted to and said that I was a hot 20 year old blonde with a fetish for overweight, over-confident guys who love PHP progamming and that I needed help configuring my linux box...

...I was almost trampelled with the response.

Anyway, I'm glad to be back, and wanted to celebrate by sharing this little gem, courtesy of

Friday, May 14, 2010

Black on Beck

Yea...I had nothing to do with this, but boy I wish I had. Lewis Black is everything I like about comedy: intelligent, loud, political and angry. Enjoy...

Monday, May 03, 2010

Those Suspicious Types

Phoenix, Monday, May 3 - Following Saturday evening's thwarted bombing, Arizona is passing new legislation authorizing police to pull over any white man that appears to be in his 40's and driving an SUV, to check for criminal activity.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

It was like going to that "other" mall...

Saw this one over at MySpace...and figured no one else would see it there, so here it is -- one of my favorite amateur, self-effacing, piano, song videos:

Thursday, February 25, 2010

This Just In(box)

New reports indicate that married women are twice as likely to be obese as single women. When asked why, one researcher explained:

"Single women come home at the end of the day, look what's in the fridge, shake their heads and go to bed...

...while married women come home at the end of the day, look what's in bed, shake their heads and go to the fridge."

(Thanks to regular* reader Rick for sending this along.)

*Rick's regularity is sponsored by FiberOne.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Rather Good Stuff, Indeed

A friend posted this on facebook and I wanted to spread the word to my loyal readers (both of you). Check out the video below and then head on over to -- tell them Steve D. sent you*

*And when they say "Steve who?" simply say "Never mind..."

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Two Quickies

The other day I overheard publishing analyst wondering if John Heilemann would be able to sell as many books if he wasn't so light-skinned.

Also, there's a new bill in congress to move the Winter Soltice to April 21st, pointing out that the current date makes is too cold and the early sunset limits the ability for supporters to hold evening events.

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