Friday, December 11, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I've been trying to follow politics recently, and it seems everyone is always talking about how this is a "slippery slope," that's a "slippery slope," etc. etc.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
So, everyone's still talking about Falcon Heene and whether or not this whole ballooon thing was a hoax.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
So, it turns out that little Falcon Heene was never on the balloon, but hid in the closet while military helicopters went out looking for him and the Denver Airport was temporarily shut down.
I know I'm due for an original post, but just hold your friggin' horses.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
For a while now I've wanted to post one of the infamous (or maybe non-famous) Robert Smigel bits from Comedy Central's TV Funhouse
(it ran back in the twilight of the last century): the one about the boy suppressing his "natural urges."
But alas YouTube and Hulu came up short, so you'll have to settle for this:
Sunday, September 13, 2009
So it appears I've got a cold, which, you know, we still don't have a cure for.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
So, I was gonna go to the DMV today, but I accidentally showered and shaved this morning...so I'll have to wait a couple of days.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
So everyone's been talking about the President's speech to school students, and opinions are everywhere...
Friday, August 28, 2009
Hey, I know I've been a slacker this summer, but I swear I've got some new posts brewing.
In the meantime, if you're like me you've absolutely run out of quizzes and surveys to take on facebook, so I ventured into the perverse world of over-the-top self-promotion social marketing and wrote my own:
(Actually, it's free to everyone, but go ahead, gloat a little.)
Enjoy and spread the word like mono on a marching band trip...I'll be back with more juicy, original bits soon.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Hey there! Sorry I've been gone a while. After my last post, I accidentally locked myself out of my house, so I just went on over to the police station and turned myself in...seemed like the safe thing to do.
- Suggest your local veterans groups also sing the National Anthem "in French, so everyone feels included."
- Ask your Democratic friends for help with the leak in your boat, add "after all, you people are the experts."
- Suggest your GOP friends aren't really Americans...demand to see a birth certificate with a raised seal.
- Ask your local Kung Fu school if they offer any classes on ancient auto erotic asphyxiation secrets.
- Ask your wife if it's okay if you do a little "hiking on the Appalachian Trail" (and/or explain to her that she's not your soulmate, but that you'll *try* to fall back in love with her).
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Hope everyone has a great Fourth of July.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
It's a video trifecta:
Monday, June 08, 2009
So, researchers now say that the mercury in fish may be a new leading factor in liver disease. This is particulary bad news for fans of Tennessee's newest export: Tuna Whiskey.
Friday, May 29, 2009
If facebook quiz makers were our Founding Fathers...
...we would have the “inaliable right to a purse, suits and happiness.”
...we could all “keep bear arms in our houses to help keep the military regular.”
...the States could make no law “that deep rives anybodies life, library or property without dewey process.”
...we would have the right to “speedos and a pubic trial by a partial jury.”
...it would be illegal “for the governments to hide soldiers quarters in your house. ”
...we would have "the right to have free seizures in our house without being violated, unless there was reasonable claws."
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Finally, a reason to go to Scotland*. How have I not seen these before?
This might be my favorite so far...it's like Robin Sparkles doing a soda ad:
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Michael Phelps, who came out of the 2008 Olympics as arguably the greatest swimmer ever, now faces new allegations that he had a marathon sex session with two strippers...
Friday, May 15, 2009
Friday Fun Fact:
If you dial 6-1-1 they play a recorded message...
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Well, it's been a great morning: I finally solved the mystery of LOST!
Monday, May 04, 2009
Beware the sock gap, my friend...always beware of the sock gap:
You know, the best comedy here is the written kind (rants, etc.) but if you *really* want more funny video, go ahead ...I'm used to it.
Friday, May 01, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Back and better* than ever! More fabulous, fun (fake) facts to share with your friends and neighbors:
- Despite their name, Quincy is the only Little Einstein that is actually Jewish.
- If Mrs. Limbaugh had won the bet, millions of conservatives would tune in each day to listen to a man named Van Halen Limbaugh.
- In an embarrassing move in 2005, the government accidentally sent out 1,400 letters calling up members of the Salvation Army to active duty.
- Although the moon appears larger closer to the horizon, if you bend over and look at it from between your legs most people will stop looking at the sky.
- For decades, many congressmen voted to increase the number of government grants because they assumed they were only $50 each.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
By now, tens of thousands of Windows users have installed a critical update from Microsoft to precent the malicious worm the Conficker from crashing their PC's...
...In a related story, tens of thousands of PC's have recently crashed due to a critical update from Micrsoft.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I know I'm overdue for an original post, but seriously, this is awesome:
More original stuff coming soon. In the mean time, feel free to check out some classic humor bits.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
No Child Left Behind...
Oh, what, you want more? Fine.
Click here for more funny photos or here for more fun with kids.
Just don't click here.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Frequent reader Jim forwarded another great video about a new item from one of my favorite companies, Apple:
But that's not the real news (well, it never was the real news - more like the fake real news, but this is different, it's the "news" that I - oh, screw it). The real news is that Jim has now been added as a label. It's down there at the bottom, take a look, I'll wait...
Did you hear this? After being cut from the Dallas Cowboys, Terrell Owens signed with the Bills. During the press conference, T. O. explained that he is excited to be
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Louis CK on Conan. If you've ever been to one of those presentations where they tell you that today's high school and college students don't understand classic references - "They've never seen carbon paper," "They think Paul Newman makes Salad Dressing," etc. - and that, therefore, YOU need to change then you'll really appreciate this.
Monday, March 02, 2009
So, there's a new product out for your Blackberry or iPhone called:
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
(I know I missed the chance to get this in as a new Oscar category - maybe next year)
UPDATE: Current films under consideration...
Get your nominations in now - first round voting starts soon!
- Napoleon Dynamite
- Step Brothers
Monday, February 16, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
So, this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Models are flying SouthWest as part of a promotion.
Wanted to welcome The Disastergirl Chronicles to my ultra-elite bloglist (it's over there on the right somewhere).
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
This was too good to resist. Oh, and personally, I think the lighting is F'ing perfect on it, Chris:
(Warning: Don't listen to this at work, with the kids around, or if you're considering a career as a Director of Photography)
New Awesome* Feature: Like this? Post it to facebook by clicking here. NOW (don't make me go all Bale on you).
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Washington, DC - While declining to declare it "the best," the FDA today did declare laughter a medicine. As such, it is now only available with a prescription.
(Like this? Share the love at facebook by clicking here.)
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
So, if a bunch of grapes can kill dogs, but it takes an Airbus 320 to kill Canadian geese...
...why don't we use guard geese?
(I guess it's because they can't get a green card.)
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I love getting voice message. Seriously, I love me some voice mail. Combined with caller ID it's the greatest invention of the 20th Century.
Ok, well maybe not the greatest, but it's up there...somewhere below the polio vaccine and above reality TV.
Like I said, I love getting messages...
...except this one:
"Hi Steve, it's Jim*, call me back - I need to tell you something."No. No you don't need to tell me something. If you had a need to tell me something, then you (write this part down)
That's what voice mail is for. It doesn't say "wait for the tone and ramble" it says "wait for the tone and LEAVE A MESSAGE."
What Jim has in this case is not a need to tell me something. Instead he has a clear, somewhat creepy, need to be spoken too; to have someone respond to his plea for attention. What the message really says is:
"Hi Steve, it's Jim. No one is on facebook and I'm starting to doubt my worth in the world. Please call me back and reaffirm my belief that someone out there stil -"Oops, sorry about that, force of habit.
Now I know sometimes what you mean is "we need to discuss [this project/the test results/your background check]," but at least give me a heads up - let's move the bar a little folks.
Of course, sometimes I get the really idiotic "non-message." For instance, this gem:
"Hi Steve, this is George** from Faulk & Leavem Printing. I've got the quote you wanted for the 2000 copies of your 'How to Leave a Message' brochure....
...call me back."
* For what it's worth, Jim usually leaves very informative - slightly slurred - messages; often with graphic detail.
** This is a celebrity impersonation - George Hamilton did not appear in this rant.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Hey, sorry I've been a little aloof for the beginning on 2009. Rough hangover.
No seriously, I've been spending more time...way too much time...over at facebook playing Scramble. Have you tried this? It's like Boggle, just a little more pathetic because you can do it with absolutely no human interaction at all.
If you have tried Scramble, you should try the new Ann Coulter version. It's harder because words like "FEMINIST," "LIBERAL" and "DEMOCRATS" only count as 4 letter words.