Up Up and Away

I don't know if you heard this, but apparently Viagra may reduce jet lag.

Of course, if you should remain in the air for more than four hours, you should contact a Doctor immediately.

So, soon travelers will be popping the little blue pill before take-off. I don't fly much, but I'm not looking forward to this at all. I mean, you think it's awkward getting out of a window seat now?

Sh-t my PJ's One More Time

Don't you think just the fact that this kid has been immortalized for singing Britney Spears in his PJ's is traumatic enough?

Does he also need to have the crap scared out of him by his Mom?

The Gritty Truth

Like many of you, I was so distraught at the thought of young Paris Hilton facing jail time that I went on a four-day bender of booze and, of course, candy.

So, after 90-plus hours of drinking tequila and eating malt balls I woke up on windy stretch of beach with a pounding headache, a blood sugar level in the thousands, and a boot print on my chest. Wandering into a local bathroom to wash up, I thought about how, like so many of today's celebrities, my life could become tragic if I didn't see the err in my ways.

As I splashed water on my face and washed off the scent of that cross-country bus I got on during day two, I decided it was time for me to take my life in a new direction...

...to quit free-basing alcohol and high-fructose corn syrup products, and - who knows - maybe stop kicking people sleeping at the bus station just to "see what happens."

I was ready to adapt, to improve myself, to correct my path.

...and then I saw the sign.

"No Changing Allowed in the Bathroom."

I figured these 4" blue vinyl letters were a sign (and, yes, it was a sign - about 2 feet high and 3 feet wide - but also a figurative sign) from fate not to be argued with.

So here I am again drowning my sorrows in gin and peanut brittle...and I can't help but think:

Will David Hasselhoff recover from his latest video-taped rant?

...and...

...is that guy over there asleep or dead?

Only one way to find out.

Say Hello to My Little Friend

Okay, okay. So I once wrote about how useless the weather report on TV is. Well, I stand corrected. I heard the audio of this on Howard Stern and did some research to find the video.

Now here is a weather report worth watching:

By the way, it's still up for debate whether or not (no pun intended) this meteorologist is having a worst day than this anchor.