Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Obama Prize Patrol

Barack Obama announced the other day he has a plan to fix our educational system...

...for the low low price of 18 Billion dollars.

Really? I mean, how hard is it to plan when you start with the assumption that you can spend 18 billion dollars?

Think about it -- think about the biggest problem you have. Hell, think about the biggest problem your whole state -- or the whole country -- has. This side of international crisis and disease, I'm thinking most of them can be helped pretty easily with an extra 18 billion dollars or so.

In fact, I'm really hoping Obama didn't spend much time on the rest of the plan.

If you're gonna pledge to spend eighteen billion dollars to fix something, that pretty much says it all. Instead of a stump speech, he should just show 'em the money.

"Obama, what would you do about the education crisis?"
"I'm glad you asked. Here's what I've come up with...."

...and then Ed McMahon could come out with the over-sized check and the balloons.

Now, I know government programs are on a whole different scale than the rest of us are used to. I remember the $700 wrench and the $1000 toilet seat -- but even at that $18 "B-Large" is a lot of scratch.

For instance, for a few 100 million dollars you could hire teachers like the plucky, naive women played by Hillary Swank in Freedom Writers. But with 18 times that much you could actually get Hillary Swank to go from one under performing school to another, convincing students to pull themselves up...and to maybe take up boxing.

Screw that, you could take the kids to see Hillary Swank -- little change of pace might do 'em good, and heck, we're tossing around 18 billion anyway.

There's an old joke about an engineer, a chemist and an economist stuck on an island with canned goods and no way to open them. After the others explain how to open the cans, the economist describes his theory:

"First, let's assume we have a can opener..."

Obama, I'm not sure you'd make a good President - but you're one hell of an economist.

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