Hey there! Sorry I've been gone a while. After my last post, I accidentally locked myself out of my house, so I just went on over to the police station and turned myself in...seemed like the safe thing to do.
Anyway, while I was gone, I started a new "list" (because you know, you'd don't get enough lists over at facebook).
Oh, and to make it better, this was *very* topical - back on July 4th.
Steve D.'s Top Five Ways to Make Your Own Fireworks:
- Suggest your local veterans groups also sing the National Anthem "in French, so everyone feels included."
- Ask your Democratic friends for help with the leak in your boat, add "after all, you people are the experts."
- Suggest your GOP friends aren't really Americans...demand to see a birth certificate with a raised seal.
- Ask your local Kung Fu school if they offer any classes on ancient auto erotic asphyxiation secrets.
- Ask your wife if it's okay if you do a little "hiking on the Appalachian Trail" (and/or explain to her that she's not your soulmate, but that you'll *try* to fall back in love with her).
Funny stuff! But, you already know that, so, why am I here?
ReplyDeleteBlowing smoke up your butt, maybe you'll send me thousands of dollars because you're obviously one of the RICH comedians, like Billy Crystal?
Or maybe I'm just one of those slightly creepy people who likes to rub elbows with the famous folks?
Nah....
Just thought I'de stop by and tell you that the chemistry lab my cousin works at has discovered a use for the fish that are so contaminated with mercury.
Yeah, go figure!
So, what it turns out that we can use these fish like thermometers!
WOW! Isn't that great!?
Now when we're out fishing, we can actually find out what the temperature is WITHOUT GOING BACK TO THE CABIN!!!
OK, well. Now that we've figured that out, maybe you should get back to some more of the comedy?
You ARE funny, after all!
(well, unless you're one of those guys having intercourse with ducks!)
(I mean, sheep, goats and cows, maybe...but DUCKS?! That's just disgusting!
d=))