Saturday, September 30, 2006

Take a Flying Dive

Have you tried to fly anywhere recently? With the new security regulations, it's like shopping on Black Friday just to get on the plane.

Now, I'm all for security, but I think the time we spend in line is really our own fault. I mean, we all know the rules, we know all the processes, do's and do not's, but we still show up with our pockets full of keys, change and nail-clippers; a pda/cellphone/mp3 player/GPS-laden belt like something out of the old Batman series; three layers of clothes; pens; jewelry; etc.

Basically, most travelers show up at the gate with enough junk to let McGuyver build a working space station. Somehow, no one shows up at the grocery store with a pen for their check, but they show up at the airport ready to infilrate Dr. Evil's secret lair.

Here's my idea to make the whole check-in process easier on everyone:

Add a waterpark to each airport: pools, waterslides, the works...maybe even some tanning booths.

Then you'd show up, check your clothes with your bags, and splash around until it's time to board. When your flight is announced, you towel off, slip on some flip-flops and make that smakity-smakity noise right through security. Except for a few odd piercings, there's not much left to set off the metal detectors.

Of course, like everything else about flying, there'd be different amenities for different flyers. First class flyers get cabanas and in-ground wave pools while they wait, coach flyers get above-ground pools and a couple lawn chairs, and economy flyers get to splash around in a few sprinklers out on the tarmac.

Now everyone gets on the plane quickly, everyone's refreshed and - special bonus - everyone's bathed. And heck, if there's an emergency, everyone's ready for a water landing.

[10.02.06 Update - Seems someone else had a similar "immodest" proposal]

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